You Might Be Southern If….You Monogram Your Butt and Your Boot!

monogramming butt

We Southern women live for monograms. In my town near Atlanta, Georgia, you know our initials before you know our name. That’s right. You get behind a car, SUV, or truck – and you get the initials on a woman’s car window or her car boot with the car tag. It can come in many types of fonts and sizes – but I’ll tell you what: you are a nobody if you don’t have your initials on your vehicle…

Or on your purse…

Or on your key chain…

Or on your wallet…

Or on your checkbook…

Or on your drink carrier…

Or on your daughter’s hair bows….

Or on your scarves…

Or on your jewelry…

Or on your boots (your car boot or your walking boots!)…

I’m always on the lookout for new and exciting Dixie fashions for our monograms. When I visited Corinth, Mississippi three years ago, women were walking around with their initials in BIG LETTERS on their shirts. In my town, we hadn’t evolved that far, but I went back home and told everybody. Within a year, all of my town had their monograms on their pocket sleeves and also, glaring at all mankind on their bosom. I didn’t start the trend – it just sort of moved into our area as someone came up with the idea or saw it. We Southern women are huge copy-cats. That’s how we roll.

But tonight, as I ate my moon pie and drank my RC Cola, I wanted to find a monogrammed shirt for plus size gals – there aren’t any locally – so, I did what all women of the 21st Century do: I googled it. “PLUS SIZE and MONOGRAM LONG SLEEVE SHIRTS…” I could have googled “FAT CLOTHES and MONOGRAMS,” but I have my pride.

And I saw it.

The newest fashion that Corinth, Memphis, Birmingham, Atlanta, or any other big city in Dixie hadn’t claimed yet: MONOGRAMMED JEANS! Wow! I got excited! I clicked on the link for more ideas and saw…

A woman’s butt with her initials. BAM!

“I LOVE IT!” I screamed, copying and pasting it onto social media. “OH MY GOD! I GOT TO DO THIS! I’LL BE THE FIRST IN MY TOWN!”

My husband, who heard me sneaking his credit card out of his britches, stopped me. “Are you insane?”

“No….This is cool! No one’s done it here!”

“Have you been drinking?”

“Southern women like our monograms!” I bellowed.

He held up the credit card. I’m only 5’2 and he’s 6’4, so he can torment me. “That is the STUPIDEST thing in creation.”

“I think it’s cool!” I jumped up several times. He held it higher.

In the end, he talked me down from my manic zeal to become the first in my town to monogram her butt. It took a few minutes, but I saw his logic and reason. “Your car is one thing….but not there.”

So, I can monogram my car boot (or my walking boots), but not my butt. It’s hard to be on top of Dixie’s fashions, isn’t it? But in case you are interested, here’s the picture.

Ain’t it cool!!??!?!

<Post Script: Newest Dixie Trend….MONOGRAMMING YOUR SPORTS BRAS…..>

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